‘I’m Dreaming of a Wine Christmas…’

By Bob Johnson

Christmas songs run the gamut from sad and depressing to happy and uplifting.

And so it is with “Christmas wine songs,” which are, by Wine Lines Online’s liberal definition, any Christmas songs that mention wine in any manner.

Since I’m a big fan of happy endings (hey, it’s Christmas time; get your mind out of the gutter), we’ll begin this blog with a few sad and depressing tunes. Bah, humbug!

GOOD KING WENCESLAS

This tune originated during the 1500s. Three hundred years later, John Mason Neale added words. It’s about a 10th-century king who was killed by his brother. And this is a Christmas song why, exactly?

“Bring me flesh and bring me wine
Bring me pine logs hither
Thou and I will see him dine
When we bear him thither.”
Page and monarch forth they went

Forth they went together
Through the rude wind’s wild lament
And the bitter weather.

SLEIGH BELLS AND WINE

Jason Gleason had a brief run with the group Further Seems Forever, and his “Sleigh Bells and Wine” tells the tale of spending holidays alone. Hey, Jason, I’ve got two words for you: Move on!

How many times must I sit here alone?
Sleigh bells and wine,
And the smell of cloves.
’Cause I sit here crying,
Just crying for you.
So I am sad, I’m so blue.

SO MUCH WINE

The Handsome Family in an alt-country band that formed in Chicago about 20 years ago. “So Much Wine” deals with a loved one who probably shouldn’t drink wine.

I had nothing to say on Christmas day
When you threw all your clothes in the snow.
When you burnt your hair, knocked over chairs,
I just tried to stay out of your way.
But when you fell asleep with blood on your teeth,
I got in my car and drove away.
Listen to me, Butterfly, there’s only so much wine you can drink in one life
And it will never be enough to save you from the bottom of your glass.

Okay, enough holiday depression. Let’s get happy, and for that, we call upon two gentlemen of different generations, and with very different backgrounds.

MISTLETOE AND WINE

Cliff Richard was The Beatles before there was a group called The Beatles. Ultimately eclipsed in record sales by that mop-headed quartet, Richard still is the No. 3-selling recording artist in the U.K.

Over the years, he morphed from Little Richard-like rocker to Christian crooner. “Mistletoe and Wine” would be from the latter period.

Christmas time, Mistletoe and Wine
Children singing Christian rhyme
With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
A time to rejoice in the good that we see

WHITE WINE IN THE SUN

Tim Minchin is described as “an Australian-English comedian, actor and musician.” The song “White Wine in the Sun” must reflect his Aussie heritage, because Christmas comes during the summertime Down Under, and there’s no sun in Britain, like, ever.

I’m looking forward to Christmas
Though I’m not expecting a visit from Jesus
I’ll be seeing my dad
My brother and sisters, my gran and my mum
They’ll be drinking white wine in the sun
I’ll be seeing my dad
My brother and sisters, my gran and my mum
They’ll be drinking white wine in the sun

Hey, Tim, make mine a Chardonnay! Merry Christmas!

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